Note to My Son

I write this because I have always been unable to speak to you without pushing buttons. I realize that parents and children do that to each other but it short circuits any meaningful discussion. Children, as adults, seem to stick to the rules of communication that they grew up with and imagine what a parent may be thinking when in fact the parent has also evolved over time and moved on.

It is important for both sides to understand that they are now dealing adult-to-adult and as family members, take each other at face value. What I say is what I mean and not something that as a child you thought I meant. You and I, son, have always had to explain ourselves so that there were no misunderstandings. I get that. Our take on the world has always been from slightly different angles. As a result I listen very carefully to what you say. I believe what you say. I do not try to twist your words into a convenience of my making.

Since I listen carefully to you and try not to interrupt while you make your point, I expect the same courtesy. I know, that's old fashioned of me but there you are, I've become old in the decade that you have been away. When you were young, I tried to respect your views and not overpower you with my own baggage.

I need to say that we have always been proud of you and have given positive support to the best of our abilities. And as with every other person that your mother and I know, we try not to judge. That is not for us to do. We like to take people as we find them.

No doubt there is a generation gap between you and me. It has ever been thus between father and son. Your skills, dreams and wishes are not mine. I would not wish in any way to diminish yours. I only wish the best for you. If I ask questions, it is because I am interested, not because I wish to interfere or impose my ideas. I am just plainly interested in what you do and hopefully I could learn something from you. Your ways are new ways and I have always been willing to listen to new ways. And I have never doubted that you would find your own way.